


Secular Healing

by wimblydonner



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 10:18:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/977598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wimblydonner/pseuds/wimblydonner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ann demands that Maeby teach her about secular intercourse with a woman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secular Healing

**Author's Note:**

> For the Fifth Annual Femslash Kink Meme prompt "Maeby/Ann, secular Intercourse"

Maeby Funke had just been fired from her floundering Internet startup and thought it was time to get back to a business she knew better. Sure, they'd already given her a lifetime achievement award, and film was dead, but there was always money in banana stands, CG animated cartoons, and--if she could get the films rights to the Bananagrabber--perhaps both.

Unfortunately, it wasn't easy to get work on a children's movie with a Sudden Valley mailing address. 

In need of a way out of the debt she'd gotten herself into with Fakeblock, Maeby stumbled across a large white building advertising what she thought was loan forgiveness, but which turned out to be something else entirely. 

"No matter what you've done in your past, there's always one way to get away from your sins," Ann said seriously, pressing a pamphlet into Maeby's hands. 

"I'm not checking into Austerity." 

"I'm talking about Jesus." 

"Him?" 

But that's when Maeby realized there was one audience left that still paid for things instead of stealing them. And judging by the size of the Church of the Holy Eternal Rapture, she thought the Veals might actually the money to get production started. "Hey, do you know how I can get a Christian movie made? It could be about, I don't know, Muhammad's early life." 

But Ann had her principles. She folded her arms and planted herself in from of Maeby. "I hope you're not still in Hollywood," she said. "I don't trust Hollywood when it comes to religion. You know, my father tried to get one of his sermons into theaters, and they wanted to cut it down to only five hours." 

"Well, it doesn't have to be a movie." Maeby continued making this up on the fly. "Maybe it could be one of those Internet shows. You know, like _House of Cards_." 

Speaking of sins, Maeby wasn't quite sure which one she'd committed to wind up having to work with Bland, but when the other woman agreed to talk about it, at least she finally had a career again. 

But Ann turned up at her home the next day looking as furious as possible for a short, even-tempered woman in a sensible blouse and skirt. "I 'something'ed your name, and it says you're now a sex offender." 

Maeby was hoping that wouldn't come up. 

Ann marched. "I see what you were going to do," she said, sounding quite sure of herself. "You were going to be making one of those overtly sexual movies, wasn't it? I should have known as you said it was on the Internet. There's nothing on the Internet but smut and global warming hoaxes." 

And for the second time in as many days, Maeby seized on an idea that had fallen into her lap. There was always money in pornography, right? She didn't have much to lose when she was on the same list as Barry Zuckerkorn. Besides, this was the modern, sexually liberated era, and porn wasn't necessarily any more degrading than doing adaptations of Dan Brown novels, right? "Sure. Sure, you got me. I was going to film hardcore pornography." 

"Great!" Ann dropped her bag on the floor and seized Maeby's sweater with surprising aggression. "Let's _do it_." 

"I don't think it's really your--" 

Ann leaned in until her lips were inches from Maeby's skin. "Take me, Maeby. Ravage me," she growled in Maeby's era. "Teach me the forbidden ways of secular intercourse with a woman." 

"Sexual," Maeby corrected. The mere fact that Ann was calling it _secular_ told Maeby that-- 

But then Ann kissed her. Maeby's hands went up in surprise, and her first instinct was to push Ann away. But Ann seized hold of Maeby's collar and pressed her lips in more insistently, and for a moment Maeby forgot about her financial troubles. She put an arm around Ann's shoulder, drew in, and kissed her back. Their bodies pulled closed together, and the kiss went on for _way_ too longer to be considered merely experimental. 

"You're a better kisser than George Michael," they both said. 

It was the first time that Maeby had looked at Ann with any kind of respect, and Ann took it advantage of it by starting to unbutton her blouse. It was slow, one button at a time, gradually revealing a curved trail of pale skin that Maeby's eyes couldn't help but follow. 

Maeby felt herself starting to get a little hot between the legs. There had been plenty of times when Maeby enjoyed looking at women in various states of undress-when casting actresses for _Losin' It 2_ , or just when she was bored and needed something to do on the Internet--but any thought of actually being with a woman immediately brought to mind thoughts of being dragged by her mother to endless PFLAG rallies and that ruled _that_ possibility right out. 

"Corrupt me with your bad girl ways, Maeby," Ann panted. 

Maeby had never thought of herself as a bad girl per se, but Ann was undressing herself in front of her, offering herself to Maeby, and Maeby decided she just might indulge herself and do something completely dirty. She slipped one hand beneath Ann's blouse and cupped her breast, her hand feeling out the contours of Ann's body. Ann had _curves_ and Maeby liked that, liked being able to mold her hand to Ann's flesh, touching and squeezing whatever she found. 

"Yeah. 'cause it's a good thing I'm so experienced with women sexually." 

"Are you?" asked Ann. "Teach me, Maeby. Defile me!" She was pulling insistently on Maeby's sweater. Maeby raised her arms long enough to let Ann pull it off, but then she was back to feeling up Ann's tits, teasing her nipples through her bra. 

They started kissing again, bodies close together, breasts touching. Ann fervently kissed up and down Maeby's neck and collarbone. Her touches are insistent, _forceful_ even, and Maeby had quickly gone from worrying that things were going too fast for Ann to worrying that _she_ wouldn't be able to keep up. 

Maeby slid her hand up Ann's thigh, liking the feeling of flesh filling her palm. "Oh, Maeby," Ann purred. 

"Oh, Thigh." 

Maeby's hand had just reached Ann's ass when Ann grabbed her hand by the wrist and thrust it down her skirt. Maeby wasn't too sure about this, but she decided to play along with Ann's bad girl fantasy just this once. She started stroking Ann's pussy, quickly getting one finger inside her. She brushed Ann's clit. Ann murmured and quivered and might have lost her balance had it not been for her low center of gravity. 

Still, they both realized it was time to get out of the foyer. They started making their way upstairs, but couldn't stop halting every few steps to paw at each other some more. Their desire left a trail of discarded clothes on the way to the bedroom: Maeby's jeans, Ann's skirt, both their bras. 

Maeby was bending to kiss Ann's breasts as they stumbled backwards through the door of the bedroom. Ann fell backwards onto the bed. 

That gave Maeby just enough time to wonder how her life can come to the point where she was about to have sex with her cousin's ex-girlfriend / uncle's ex-fiance. Ann, however, appeared to have no such qualms. She raised her legs and slipped off her panties. "Ravage me, Maeby!" she demanded in a tone that made Maeby feel more like the one being ravaged. 

Maeby was a little surprised that Ann was showing everything all at once; she would have thought Ann would want to draw this out one week at a time. But she had to admit that Ann had a cute body under the rejected-from-Pinterest dresses, and although she'd never done anything to a pussy that wasn't her own, touching and kissing Ann's now seemed like the hottest thing in the world. Was this like what guys felt when they looked at her? 

Maeby steps out of her underwear and then discovered that, while she was undressing, her partner had already started to raided the bedside drawers. Ann now held up what looked to be a large purple dildo. 

"Oh, we can't use _that_ ," Maeby said. "That's just a Homefill." She paused for a moment. "I'm surprised you'd even know what that is." 

"Of course, I have to research what kind of smut is on there on the Internet," Ann huffed. "How can I protest if I don't know whether girls with low self-esteem are being seduced into sensual overseas liasons, forbidden trysts in the college library, or no-holds-barred five-woman fuckfests?" She thought for a moment, and then admitted, "I like the way they think." 

Now Maeby was _really_ worried she wouldn't be able to keep up with this little firecracker. But she had always liked sex, liked how it gave her something _real_ to feel when she was drifting through life, and jumped into bed with Ann, straddling her. 

Ann thought she'd learned a thing or two about her ex-fiance. She pulled Maeby's face beside her and purred in her ear, "Cover with me kisses ... _with club sauce_." 

It was kind of creepy, but also kind of sexy. Maeby started to kiss her way down Ann's body, pausing to tease her navel and hipbones, before she moved down to Ann's mound. Ann probably thought that Bad Girl Maeby had done this a dozen times before. She tried to play it cool even though she was getting a little nervous about actually going down on Ann, even though the prospect of completely engaging herself in Ann's body was making her heart thump and her pussy drip. 

Ann moans and shifts her legs, shivering with anticipation. "Fuck my hot cunt ... _with club sauce_." 

That mostly sounded like a good way to get an infection, and Maeby thought maybe she needed to take charge. She still didn't know what the heck she was doing, but she knew how she liked to touch _herself_. She started slow, enjoying the build-up, listening to Ann pant and groan in need. She worked one finger inside Ann, watched her hips buck against Maeby's hand in search of further stimulation, and then a second. 

She was brushing Ann's clit the way she would brush her own when Ann comes. Ann bit her lip a little and fought not to cry out, perhaps finally remembering where she was, but a whimper still escaped her lips. 

Maeby felt pretty good about herself, but it didn't appear to slow Ann down for long. She grabbed Maeby and pulled her forward. "Use me," she gasped. "Objectify me. Treat me like another of those innocent girls you seduce and conquer." 

Maeby wasn't quite sure if Ann was getting her impression of secular sex life from Focus on the Family or from her Internet "research," but the idea seemed kind of hot. She straddled Ann's face, resolving to let this girl do whatever the heck she wanted because things had been _really good_ so far. 

Ann must have spent a _lot_ of time researching protest material because she certainly seemed to know what she was doing. She blew alternatingly hot and cool on Maeby's pussy before starting to get her tongue into it. Maeby got into it, thrusting her hips closer, fucking Ann's face. She'd never been this rough with anyone before but she _liked_ it, liked holding nothing back, liked daring Ann to keep up. Her mind was finally clear of anything but pleasure; it felt fucking _amazing_ , and she wondered how she'd gone this far without it. 

"Steve Holt!" she exclaimed as she came before immediately feeling profoundly ashamed of herself. 

It was the best secular intercourse Maeby had ever had. As she slipped under the covers and cuddled with Dildo afterwards, she thought she might have to find a way to make this happen again, that she might be starting to like this woman. What used to seem like obnoxious faults were now seeming endearing, and she was even wondering if they could end up in a relationship. 

...until Ann got out of bed to make a post-coital mayonegg. 

Maeby reached for the nearest paper she could rip up. "You're out of the porno, Ann."


End file.
